This week:

Not much has improved since chemo on Monday. Daniel's swollen tongue has remained much the same, or even getting worse. It has however sloughed off some, even rather large pieces from the back of his throat, so we hope that will continue. That means his tongue is starting to heal in those areas. He had a lot more sloughing after his first round of chemo. 

An important answer to prayer is that we were able to get a portable suction unit, and get it covered! It's like what the dentist uses -- sort of. It helps Daniel with the thick mucous that he can't swallow. Since coming home, he's had to cough it up, but because it's so difficult to do so, he's been stuck gagging into the sink, which wracks his body and uses precious energy. 

So, I was able to contact someone, who talked to someone, who talked to someone, etc. and we were finally given a prescription and the home care nurse was given the go ahead to make all the arrangements. It's not a normal thing that's covered under the medical program. It was delivered earlier today, so hopefully this will help Daniel sleep much better, etc. 

A few highlights of the week were going out with a friend who invited me to see "Moms' Night Out"; it's a good movie -- I enjoyed it the second time too! We had a really good chat after the movie too. Thanks, Megan. 

Today, we spent most of the day at Timberline as a family. TR is holding their spring family camp this weekend, so we joined them for lunch and dinner, and went up to the Executive Director's house in between for the afternoon. We played a great board game and visited while our kids napped. I mentioned to Craig that the day has seemed like a mini vacation -- getting away from home and the feeling of always needing to be arranging this or organizing that, playing board games with them like we've done so many times, plus having wonderful food made for Josiah and I. Daniel and Craig even "jammed" on the piano and guitar before dinner, even though Daniel was quite weak. It was great to hear!

We are so thankful for the friendships, support, and encouragement from Timberline (among many, many others!). It was so great to see so many of you today. 

This Monday brings the third dose of chemo. We're hoping that it will be more effective than this last week. Otherwise, we'll be reassessing on Friday and likely deciding on tougher drugs, i.e. more side effects. The good thing is nausea wasn't much of an issue this week because of the meds, smaller dose of chemo, and only the one chemo drug. 

Please pray for no side effects and that we'd see more progress. Daniel is still unable to talk. It's been nearly two weeks now. Please pray that the swelling/tumour would recede as it seems to be getting worse. 

Personally, I've started to have to battle with feelings of anger and resentment toward God -- that Daniel just seems to be getting worse and has to suffer so incredibly much; that I don't have access to God's sovereign will to know what He has planned and what His timing will be. 

As hard as it is to deal with these feelings, I'm thankful I was able to recognize them immediately and start praying about them. Sure, that was happening at midnight-3am last night, so that only makes it harder, but I knew right away that I could not allow myself to stay in that place. Yes, God welcomes our honesty and our raw emotion. Of that I am so thankful. I knew I had the freedom to be totally honest with the Creator of the universe. I also knew that I had to take responsibility for those feelings and inform them with the truth of God's Word. 

After a lot of praying, crying, and processing, Daniel rubbed my back and I was finally able to fall asleep. 

Thank you for your continued prayers for us. They are the most important way you can help us right now. 

Chemo today

This afternoon we went back to Abbotsford for Daniel's next dose of chemo. It was very straightforward, though still very tiring for him. The fatigue from the extra pain from his mouth is really affecting him. Not to mention the mouth pain is hard to deal with. 

I was also able to talk with the Cancer Agency counsellor about the CPP disability forms, and I got her to review them as she knows what kind of info and level of detail the committee looks for to approve one's application. So, that's a definite praise that I got that looked over and some more questions answered. 

I haven't "talked" with my husband in days now. What should be a few minute verbal conversation turns into a 45 min. period of waiting for him to type what he wants to say, I respond, and then wait again. His level of concentration is certainly lower. That's been very hard. 

Please pray that chemo will take the swelling down in his tongue quickly and significantly so he can talk again. It's very hard for him to have such a limited ability to communicate. 

Please pray that the bit of nausea he feels from chemo would not worsen, and that he wouldn't experience any other side effects. Pray that the chemo will target only the cancer cells and that God would protect the healthy ones. Chemo is toxic to both -- healthy cells just slowly recover in ways cancer cells can't. 

Daniel's sleep has also gotten worse lately due to the pain. Last night he was up every hour again. Please pray that this would improve quickly as he needs to be able to get good rest to fight well. 

Thank you so much for your prayers and the practical help from many of you. We would also find it very encouraging to learn what God is showing you and teaching you in your personal walk with Him (or what you've been thinking if you don't know Him personally). We know this is so far beyond just us. As John Piper said, "Don't waste your cancer." Daniel and I want to see God glorified through this, so as you think of it, please let us know the details of how God is being glorified through our struggle. We'd be so grateful. 

Read Piper's full article here to learn more about what we mean:

http://www.desiringgod.org/articles/dont-waste-your-cancer

At the chemotherapy unit. 

Change in chemo protocol

We met with Dr. Uhlman again today (another long day at the hospital taking care of a lot of details). Based on the fact that Daniel's tongue is so much more swollen again (and even worse) and the pain has increased, Dr. Uhlman wants to change the chemo plan. 

Instead of doing a big round of chemo once a month, she wants to do a small dose once a week. Daniel had been feeling an improvement a week or so after the last chemo round started. But now not so much. So, she doesn't want to wait as long between doses, she wants to make the doses smaller, and then see how he reacts to that. Plus, she only wants to use the Cisplatin this time instead of both that and the 5-FU -- less side effects and to see which one is working or if she needs to try a different drug. 

The plan had been to have to go in Sun-Fri for appointments every day next week, but now it's just the next few Mondays. This is a big help for family life! Plus, Daniel doesn't need a PICC line or have that "baby bottle" infuser device attached to him for five days. 

So please pray that the new protocol will yield good results, answers, and noticeable improvements without side effects. 

I was invited out to dinner with several young moms/ladies from church. It was nice to have a non-health related evening to look forward to. I was pretty tired from the long day, but it was very nice to be out and enjoy good food without having any responsibilities. 

The burden of the responsibility of my family's care weighs heavily on me these days. I keep working to remind myself that I need to rely upon and trust in God. I keep going back to the Psalms and letting the words wash over me, and hopefully letting the Spirit change me. It's emotionally hard work -- confronting my worries, fears, and doubts -- battling the what if's with God's truth. 

Thank you for your faithful, persistent, and bold prayers from humble hearts. 

How the week has gone and current prayer requests.

Daniel enjoyed going to church again on Sunday. It still really tired him out, but we were able to go out for dinner and a movie for my birthday!

On Tuesday, after our appointments at our GP and the naturopath, we visited Timberline! It was Daniel's first time back in a month and a half. It was great to see so many friends and to see how far along the Townhall building project is. Plus, Daniel got to see the kitchen's new freezer that had just arrived. He'd really like to be back at work -- he misses TR so, so much. 

The past few days have been project days for me. I've completed the first draft of the CPP disability set of forms. Please pray that I can get them reviewed by what's called an "advocate" soon so I can send them in shortly. And that Dr. Uhlman will fill out her form quickly too. 

Besides that, we finished filing our taxes (finally!), but seeing as how we get a refund, there's no penalty. Also, I did a bunch of house work, laundry, grocery shopping, etc. I'm pretty worn out. 

Tomorrow we see Dr. Uhlman for the pre-chemo check-up. A PICC line goes in on Sunday out in Abby, and chemo starts M-F next week. Yeah, lots of driving!!!

The main things Daniel is asking prayer for are:

His tongue has swollen up a lot again. It's hard for him to even close his jaw because his tongue is over his teeth now. Please pray this would improve! He's in more pain now (even with dosages being increased on Tuesday), so please pray for relief. 

Last time, chemo helped bring the swelling down a little. Please pray that we would see even more of this effect. 

Please continue to pray for strength for both of us. Daniel is still having a hard time giving himself the shot for the blood thinner. So as 9pm rolls around and you think of it, please pray for him. 

Daniel is coughing a lot and his throat has been raw because of it. His nose lining is still crusted from chemo and he can't smell. He can't talk, even to me. He's been texting to me all this week. It's so hard to not talk with him beyond his delayed texted replies. Please pray for these things to improve. 

Pray also that chemo would bring only good effects this time. No nausea, etc. 

Thank you so much for remembering us in your prayers! We are so grateful!

A week of challenges and blessings.

It’s been a while since our last post. Some have wondered if that meant things were going well. Unfortunately that was not the case. We had what’s called a “pain crisis” earlier this week, and both Daniel and I have been too weary to write much.

 

On Monday, Daniel used up the last of the prescription mouth rinse that he used while in the ward. So, he started using the new RX given at discharge. He soon realized that the new bottle was different and didn’t help nearly as much – little better than water really. We had to wait a while to hear back from our local pharmacy when the right stuff would be ready (it took our oncologist a while to fax it in), so in the meantime Daniel suffered. The following day, I called the pharmacy and they said they didn’t have a crucial ingredient! It would take a further day to get that in, so I had them arrange with another pharmacy to make it instead.

 

In the meantime, Daniel used up all of his break-through med and had nothing to top-up his pain relief. So, that was another long process on Wednesday to get that done. Again, a huge thanks to Sandy for helping so much and doing the leg-work for me!

 

The following few days were recovery. Daniel had been in so much pain from missing these two meds that his ability to function was severely affected. All he could do was choke down a shake or feed through his tube and then go lie down and pray for sleep, holding his head. It was awful to see him like that again.

 

For me, between the stresses of seeing Daniel in so much agony, battling to get his pain meds as quickly as possible, and trying to take care of the kids on my own exhausted me too. But it’s not like I could have foreseen these effects and asked for appropriate help! I was just trying to keep going.

 

The past few nights have been very hard for me. The physical and emotional toll of the week hit me like a wave, combined with the general sense of stress of the whole situation. The inability to plan for the future, which is so big for me, and the pain of seeing the man I love suffer so much (and not knowing if he’ll get better) caused me to just cry out to God in anguish.

 

I have been dealing with nausea and a lack of appetite for the past few days and have thus been pretty weak myself. This morning, after a night of chills and fitful sleep, I was still so nauseated and threw up. I slowly started to feel better this morning after a little more sleep. Yes, this season is very hard.

 

But there are also so many reasons to praise God and thank Him for the many blessings He gives us! On Sunday, Daniel was able to attend church with us! While he was very weak and had to go lie down midway through the sermon (no offense, Jon!), we felt so blessed to have so many people come around and say how they’re praying for us. Daniel has missed the fellowship of church so much.  

 

The continued blessing of friends coming around us and offering practical help has once again been so encouraging. Thank you to all who have helped with food this week! And thank you to Angela Kukler for the great haircuts!

 

A definite highlight of the week was our family picnic this afternoon. For me, it’s very important to have things in the future to look forward to – part of the wave that hit me this week was facing the fact that this need of mine will largely need to be neglected during this season. Daniel – as exhausted as he was – wanted to solve my problem, wonderful husband that he is! Normally, we can plan a few weeks ahead for my birthday and I get to look forward to what Daniel is planning. So, he asked me what would be meaningful, I gave him a few ideas, and he made it (and is making it) happen!

 

After receiving the help of so many people with food and supplies, we made our way to Hayward Lake today and had a wonderful time of family memory-making. We are so thankful Daniel had the energy to do all of that! The gazebo in the photos is where Daniel proposed nearly six years ago.

 

 

Tomorrow, Daniel has arranged child care and is taking me out for dinner and a movie! Please pray that he will continue to have the energy he needs.

 

Looking at the immediate future regarding Daniel’s care, we will be meeting with the oncologist on Friday for a check-up and blood tests to establish whether Daniel is ready for round two of chemo. If so (and we don’t have any reason to believe he won’t be), then it will start a week from Monday, on the 26^th.

 

As far as further prayer requests not already mentioned, please pray that this next week will be free from further setbacks, that Daniel would continue to gain the weight he needs, and that he would be as prepared as possible for the next round of chemo. And of course please keep praying that Daniel would be healed from cancer by whatever means God sees fit, and that He would be glorified because of it!

 

This morning I was reflecting on Psalm 62:5-8 (AMP):

My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him.  He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God! Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!

 

There is so much that meets me where I’m at in this passage. Waiting upon God and submitting to Him isn’t a default mode – I have to tell myself, “Soul! Wait upon God!” It’s hard work to keep reminding myself of the truths God tells me in His Word. As Daniel reminded me earlier today, we need to daily renew our minds. The other part of the passage that I especially reflected on was how David, the psalmist, tells us to pour out our hearts before God. I was certainly doing that this week. It is so comforting to know we have a loving Father who longs to hear our heart’s cry, meets us with compassion, and gives us refuge that is impenetrable. We can find that in no other; that is why we serve Him. To God be all the glory.

A busy few days at “home”

As you may know, Daniel was discharged on Tuesday. It was certainly wonderful for him to sleep in his own bed and start eating much better food!

Today, Saturday, was the first day, however, that we didn’t visit a hospital! Daniel had to visit the ER on Wednesday to get his swollen arm looked at, return to Ridge Meadows on Thursday for the ultrasound to check for a clot (which they found), and then was sent back to the ER for the rest of that evening. Both nights he didn’t get home until after nine (thank you to Leanne and Sandy for giving him a ride home those evenings!).

 

Then yesterday, we already had an appointment with the cancer agency dietician set up, but because of our ER visits we needed to see our oncologist, Dr. Uhlman, for the prescription for a blood thinner. The appointments were very positive. Dr. Uhlman got caught up on what was going on, and she was also encouraged by the progress Daniel is seeing with the decreased tumor size and his ability to move his tongue just a little bit more! His arm is nearly back to normal too, and is just a little bit sore. All wonderful reasons to praise God!

 

Dr. Uhlman prescribed Daniel’s blood thinner, Fragmin injections. It’s the most effective type for cancer patients, but for someone who has an aversion to needles, this was a point of anxiety for Daniel! He’d already had three the day before in the ER, and so the thought of having to stick himself with a needle every day wasn’t very appealing. So we discussed the options with Dr. Uhlman, and decided that the alternatives had way too many side effects and the injections would be worth it.

 

On a side note, one of the reasons why we needed Dr. Uhlman to prescribe the blood thinner is that it would be covered under medical as long as a cancer patient’s oncologist prescribes it. When we saw the cost of them later at the pharmacy, we were very thankful!

 

Our appointment with the dietician was positive as well. She was very encouraging with the menu choices Daniel and I have made for him, and she didn’t obsess over calories (like some of the ward dieticians we talked with). Her emphasis was weight gain during the break, and to maintain the weight during chemo. Daniel is able to swallow far, far better than a few weeks ago and no longer chokes on water as long as he concentrates. So, his G tube is only supplementary at this point. He is enjoying very healthy shakes and smoothies and pureed soups.

 

After our appointments, we picked up a treat and went to Mill Lake. We sat on a bench in the breeze and enjoyed the fresh air together. What a wonderful time away from hospitals and ER’s (see photo). My mom was watching the kids again and had said to take our time. So nice!

 

Yesterday evening was when Daniel had to do his first injection. The pharmacist had instructed us, but also pointed out the med came with a DVD. Daniel really appreciated the detailed explanation and instructions, but it still came down to God giving him the strength and courage to actually administer it. He had to face his fear and he gives God all the glory for empowering him to do so! He was so relieved when it was done, and I assured him that was the hardest one he’ll ever have to do!

 

Today, we planned on a day at home – no appointments or visitors – just a day to actually get rest and spend time as a family. It has been wonderful. After a sleep-in morning, Daniel spent what little energy he had and insisted he make me waffles for a pre-Mother’s Day brunch. So lovely. He had a few naps and lots of rest today, he’s eaten very well, and we went for a family walk around our neighbourhood after dinner. It is so nice having him home, with the pain meds working well.

 

Some prayer requests would be fewer interruptions during the night for both him and me. Between him needing a break-through pain med or a bathroom break, or me being up with one of the kids, sleep could still be improved upon. Please pray that the injections would get easier. Please pray that the clot would dissolve quickly (his body has to do this part, as the blood thinner merely prevents it from getting bigger or new ones developing), and that there would be no complications with clots or problems with bleeding either. Pray that the improvements we’re seeing would continue and accelerate and that Daniel would of course be fully healed soon! Pray that his ability to gain and maintain weight would be stable throughout his treatments and breaks, and that his energy and strength would keep returning.

 

Also, for those of you who have made baby food that’s waiting in your freezer, we’re running low so it’d be great to have some dropped off. Let me know. Thank you!!

 

We have seen God answer so many prayers and we are so encouraged at the progress we’re seeing. We continue to pray for a miracle, all the while we want to conform our will of timing and results to His as He wonderfully knows what is best.

Thank you for continuing to pray with us and for us. May God get all the glory!

Ultrasound, clot, and Emerg.

Daniel​​ had his ultrasound to check for clots in his PICC line. They found one that's a concern so we're waiting in Emerg. again (since 4pm). We saw the doctor and are just waiting to hear back from him as he checks with a specialist about the timing of taking the PICC out and such. It's complicated, but suffice it to say we need prayer that the clot would dissolve quickly and would not harm Daniel (as clots can be deadly if they break off), that the blood thinner Daniel will need to be on doesn't cause extensive bleeding with his tongue (as it's extremely sensitive and prone to bleeding already), that the injections Daniel will need to do daily will be effective and not cause him anxiety (due to his aversion to needles), and of course that God would protect Daniel and heal him!!! Thank you. This has been another hard afternoon.

At the ultrasound: 

Home! ...now back in emergency, temporarily.

This will be a long blog as I didn't get a chance to post anything from yesterday. 

May 6, 3:30pm blog from Daniel:

I'm very excited and praising God, after 3 weeks of being in the hospital I will be going home!

We are on our way home soon, just finishing a lot of paperwork. Praise God I get to see my kids today and sleep in my own bed!!!

I am so thankful to be feeling better and that I'm getting stronger each day. 

My hope is not in doctors, chemo or alternate methods even as I use them all. My hope is in God, the true healer and sustainer of life. No worrying can add even an hour to our lives. Each day we have is a gift and is sovereignly in His hands. I will fight the cancer with all the strength He gives me knowing that is it not about me but all about His glory. May God's will be done. I am praying that His will will be many more years to serve Him here. 

I know in a new way that each day is a gift from God, and to be thankful and rejoice in each day He gives me, no matter what great joys or great pains it holds. This is a gift that having cancer has given me. 

I cried when I saw my kids at home and hugged them. It is so wonderful to be home. 

Please continue to pray with us that God would be glorified, for complete healing and praise God that I'm home with my family!!!

Thank you again for your continued prayers, concern, and support. 


May 7, 9am from Daniel:

Praise God that I am home and I'm still crying with joy about this fact. I didn't realize how hard it was on me to be away for so long. Prayer: my right arm that has my PICC line is very sore; please pray it would get better. Strength for today, I'm weak and it's more work being at home. For complete healing from the cancer. 


Now, 5:45pm:

I'm at Ridge Meadows emerg with Daniel to have his swollen right arm checked out. Sandy Smith took him in earlier this afternoon as I was out (while my mom is watching the kids), so thank you to Sandy once again for helping so much! She didn't want to take any chances because his PICC might be the culprit. 

I got here about an hour ago. Daniel just had some blood work done so we're waiting on that and then the doctor will come back. Daniel will probably need to come back tomorrow for an ultrasound, she said. That's what we know so far. 

So, praise God for Sandy's huge help, and that Daniel had a good two hour sleep during the wait to see the doctor. 

Please pray that his arm problem would be resolved quickly and easily, that there would be no further complications, and that Daniel would be able to really enjoy his break at home where he can gain strength by eating well, sleeping lots, and exercising. He is currently a lot weaker than he was yesterday. Please pray for strength and comfort that only God can provide! Thank you!!

This weekend had it's ups and downs.

Saturday was overall a good day. During my slow morning I spent time in God's Word a lot. Then I had a great visit from my Uncle and Aunt. I ate fairly well, though nausea sometimes kept me from eating. I was up late last night with a short but powerful bout with nausea.  It was so hard and painful, but the nurses were on top of it and I was able to settle in and get a good sleep. The nurses' care was such a great reminder of God's loving care for us. It was He who was using the nurses to help me. 

I wish I could be at church with my family today singing out God's praises in my mind (since I can't use my tongue) and hearing others sing aloud. 

I continue to be blessed with family and friends who have come to visit and pray for me. These are moments I treasure and are priceless (including those times when I was way out of it). 

If anyone wants to visit just text me to arrange a time (FYI: I turn off my phone when I'm sleeping. You should try it too if you don't already, it's great). I hope to be coming home early this week. 

Prayer requests: that God would be glorified, for complete healing, compleat control of my nausea and be able to gain weight back. And that I can come home soon. 

Thank you for praying for me. I am convinced that God is at work in and through all the prayers of many of you. 

I feel so blessed to have such a loving and supportive wife. I daily praise God for her. She works so hard to be a great mother through this hard time, to be there for our precious kids, and works at keeping them feeling safe by keeping routines of the day. 

Thank you for praying, your encouragement, and generous gifts of time, food, gift cards, etc. We feel so loved and supported in this hard time. 

I continue to praise God and thank Him for being in control and taking care of me and my family. 

Have a great Sunday!

End of chemo round 1

Update from Daniel from early this morning:

Evelyn came out last night. That was great. I could do little, mostly just lay here. Sandy Smith called Evelyn and offered to watch the sleeping kids so she could come; what a blessing from God. 

The Battalion Boys club I grew up attending came out to pray for me and my family. It was nice to have their support. 

Praise God for a good night of sleep. I drank lots of water this morning. Considering I couldn't swallow anything yesterday without vomiting, that's a huge improvement. 

I'm also thankful for the wonderful, helpful nurses who are taking good care of me. 

Update from Evelyn:

I'm spending the day with Daniel today (thanks, Mom!). He is doing so much better. The anti-nausea drugs have kicked in and he was able to eat breakfast and a large lunch. It's still painful and tricky to eat, but he is determined to fight. I'm so thankful. 

His chemo infusion finished an hour ago. Please pray that the side effects dissipate quickly. 

A pain control specialist doctor started Daniel on a few different pain meds as pain control still needs work. Thankfully, the doctor actually phoned me yesterday to check with me and answer my questions. Nice to be involved in important decisions :) He visited Daniel again today to check on him. 

Daniel will be in hospital still over the weekend so they can figure out dosages for these new pain meds. That's what is keeping him from coming home, so please pray for wisdom for the doctors and nurses and effectiveness for the meds! Daniel and I so badly want him home for his chemo break!

Thank you for your continuing prayers and for many of you helping out in such practical ways too! We so appreciate your encouragement and support!!

Yesterday evening:

Quick prayer requests

It's been a stressful day for both of us. We have a few prayer requests. Please pray for:

- Daniel's side effects from the chemo -- strong nausea, vomiting and subsequent dry heaving currently, and thick, persistent phlegm gagging him. 

- Comfort, peace, and strength for me. I've had a rough day on a few counts, on top of the strain of knowing what Daniel is dealing with. 

Thank you for your faithful prayers!