First, be sure you have read Part 1.
I’m pretty sure I can guess what a few of you might have
thought when you finished Part 1:
“eHarmony!?!
What is she doing on eHarmony? Doesn’t she know how dangerous it is to be on an
online dating site? How many weirdos there are out there? And being so
vulnerable! Etc. etc.”
Yes? Was that you? Heh, I totally understand.
Well, did you know that I met Daniel on eHarmony? Though we
had met a full year before at a mutual friend’s housewarming party, we met
online not knowing until our second date we had met before. We met for the
first time…twice. It’s a great story.
So, I’m not saying I expected God to do what He did before –
not at all. I was not so arrogant to presume to tell God what He needed to do
to make me happy, though I have been in the past.
My thinking process that led me to rejoin was like this –
having been married, I was (purposefully) no longer in the circles of eligible
young men, my story is very unique to which many men would likely reject (or
just not be prepared for), plus Daniel had elevated my already very high
expectations for character, values, and spiritual maturity. Even if I did meet
someone casually, I have so much pertinent back story I would be made far more
vulnerable going the “traditional” route because my story is not what someone
would expect, and the whole thing would just get awkward.
So, in faith I decided to give God the opportunity to use
eHarmony again if He so chose.
eHarmony can work well if you’re careful (and if it’s God’s
will). My plan with eHarmony was to spell out who I am, the gist of what I’ve
been through, what’s important to me, and what kind of man Daniel was. I
included my deal breakers, my goals, and my values. My intention was to scare
everyone away (ha, ha) except for perhaps who God might bring along, if He did.
I did my part and then I put it in the background; I didn’t
initiate contact with anyone, even the very few who I would have been
interested in getting to know. I was only interested in spending my time on
someone who knew the key facts and was still interested in me.
And as much as I like to be in control, I left the timing
completely up to God. If He chose to use eHarmony again in my life, He would
know when I would be ready.
But was it hard waiting and wondering if such a man existed?
Oh, yes. And so, I kept praying.
--
I’m tempted to end the post here and leave you all in
suspense another week…
But I won’t.
--
Come January, I was matched with such a man.
His name is David. He lived in Saskatchewan, he’s younger than me, and he’s
an electrician. As I read those basics and more of his profile, I also had my
good friend go over it and his first message to me. As we discussed this
preliminary info, she encouraged me to do what I wanted to do which was reply
and ask a few more questions. (eHarmony provides a safe and guided
communication process where no personal contact info is revealed).
Over the next few days, we progressed through the guided
communication process, started emailing and then texting. I was adamant to get
all of my potential deal breakers answered and out of the way, as I didn’t have
the time or energy to get to know somebody just to find out there’s a huge
disconnect.
David was very up front and honest with what God has taught
him and brought him through. He showed honour and integrity even through those
first messages. He wasn’t scared away by my tough questions! And he asked
important questions too, which I happily answered.
So, amazed as I was that I didn’t come across any deal
breakers (because I was fully expecting to with my high standards!), we started
chatting over the phone. We talked every few days, which over the weeks turned
into most days which turned into practically every day. Thank goodness for
unlimited long distance minutes!
Taking a cue from how Daniel suggested he and I get to know
each other, David and I used the same question card game Daniel and I used, The Ungame. It gave us the opportunity
to ask both silly and serious questions to get to know each other, often prompting
obscure things to share we would otherwise not have thought of. We learned a
lot about each other’s personality and background, and how our values
integrated into our lives.
Pretty early on, David asked if he could arrange some
vacation time several weeks from then to come down for a visit. He has a bunch
of extended family here (and several of them even go to my church!!), so he
already had a place to stay. He was going to be starting his last session of
schooling for his electrician’s ticket in March, and the end of February would
be an ideal time to come down so we could meet.
Honestly, that was still a big step for me and plus it was
still really early, but I agreed. As I got to know him more over those next
several weeks, I warmed up to the idea of “meeting another guy.” Again, just
trusting God to give me wisdom and prepare me.
One of the things that really impressed me about David was
that he was totally unthreatened by Daniel. He was okay with and even
encouraged me to bring Daniel up. He wanted to know who I was married to, what
God taught us both, and what we had been through. I didn’t expect that, and I
quickly saw how important that was to me.
When we met at the end of February, we had a few dates,
spent time together with the kids, and had games nights with friends. We even
attended the Apologetics Canada conference together with friends. I wanted to
see him in different contexts and get a sense of who he is around people I know
and trust their opinion. He “passed” with flying colors, heh! The kids quickly
warmed up to him, and my friends had positive first impressions.
At the end of that first visit, we defined what our
relationship was and officially started dating. We outlined our boundaries and
expectations of what this next season of long-distance dating would look like. After
he returned home, we continued our pattern of intentional conversation (along
with lots of casual conversation too), and we read through a lot of
Christian-based material on dating and getting to know a significant other.
Three weeks later, David drove the 16 hours down again
because that’s how he wanted to spend his four-day weekend for Easter, driving
overnight to make it to the Good Friday service at 10AM! And after finishing
his exams, he visited again in mid-May for my birthday. And tomorrow he moves
to BC! He’ll be staying with relatives until he finds a place, and has several job
interviews this week…lots happening! That brings you up to the present.
Next week, you’ll get to meet him here!
No comments:
Post a Comment