On this weekend, the Canadian Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to be grateful for the blessings God gives us.
In the midst of immense loss, it would be all too easy for me to focus on what I no longer have or the trials that I've been forced to endure. I am still emotionally processing all of the suffering I saw Daniel go through and went through myself. Plus, I am slowly journeying through the different stages of grieving for my beloved husband -- a lifelong process.
But through it all I have chosen to be thankful. And while that choice is inherently an act of my will, it is only possible by the empowering of the Holy Spirit and the confidence in the hope I have in Jesus Christ.
There's a lot I just said there, so let me unpack it.
It's easy for me to choose to be thankful when life is going pretty well, when things have settled into a fairly even "normal," and there's nothing too hard to deal with. The temptation, however, is to take all of it for granted and start assuming that that's the way it should be because I've earned it.
The flip side is when things get difficult and a challenge arises, and that's when I tend to start to complain. God has been teaching me to get to the point of choosing thankfulness faster, no matter the circumstance. So whether things are going relatively smoothly (and I battle a false sense of independence and entitlement) or another challenge comes up (and the battle of sinful resentment along with it), I need to use my will to intentionally be thankful to God despite my feelings.
And then, yes, my feelings sluggishly follow.
I would like to share with you a story: a few years before I met Daniel, he went through a period of debilitating depression. Some very discouraging things in his life at that time brought it on and he spiraled down into a place of numbness and hopelessness. He took time off work, saw a doctor, began meds, had counseling, and started working through the complicated factors contributing to his condition.
While all of those things helped his symptoms to a certain degree (though the meds created more problems which had to be dealt with), he told me that there were three things that really enabled him to climb out of that dark pit, gasping for fresh air. The first two were meditating on the Bible and intense, honest prayer.
The truth of the Bible informed his thinking, battling the almost-truths he had begun to believe and internalize. Prayer was a salve on his weary soul, turning his suffocating burdens over to the only One Who was powerful enough -- and yet gentle enough -- to handle them and actually do something about them.
The third thing was his "Thankful List." As an outworking of what he was learning, he started a little list which he would pray through and thank God for each day. The only things he allowed on that list were the things in his life for which he was truly thankful. He refused to put on the list the things he was merely supposed to be thankful for just because that's what a good Christian does. Through prayer, he had to wade through the mire of his twisted feelings and cling to what he knew was actually true; only then could he be thankful for those things despite his feelings. That's when they went on the list.
Over the following weeks and months, his list grew and became too long and cumbersome for one day's prayer time. So, he started another...then another. Soon he had a list for each day of the week, which he programmed into his smartphone to pop up throughout the day to remind himself.
And thus, battling the lies of the depression he was in was largely won by choosing to be thankful for God's Word, His hope, and the many blessings in Daniel's life. It was a daily battle that had to be fought intentionally and with perseverance. And he never stopped. He had learned that once one had faced depression it was very easy to fall back into it. So he continued to guard against his tendency by praying through those Thankful Lists for years to come, even through all of our marriage.
Daniel wrote to me last year that the main reason he didn't fall into depression during his intense suffering with cancer was because God had prepared his heart and mind during that time several years ago. He already had his weapons bared and sharpened for this much tougher battle, and by the Holy Spirit's empowering he had the strength to wield them even as his body failed.
And so, whether my gratefulness is expressed quietly throughout my daily decisions or declared out loud at night during bouts of grief between sobs, it is through Daniel's inspiration and example that I too choose to be thankful for the hope that I have in Jesus Christ -- to live this life well to the glory of God.
A second "spring" in my backyard with flowers blooming again. Praise God for the hope we have in Him!
