Love Story Film and Engagement Photos

Our amazing wedding photographer and videographer husband and wife team, M&Him, put together this special film telling a bit about our story, as well as capturing many lovely moments in our engagement photos.

So Many Things to Be Thankful For

As the Thanksgiving Holiday once again approaches, I'm reminded about my post this time last year. I'd encourage you to read or re-read it. In that post, I talk about the importance of how thankfulness is a choice -- a hard choice. Both in good times when we're distracted, and in bad times when we'd rather complain, thankfulness doesn't come automatically. I also tell a bit more of Daniel's story and his battle with depression. The feedback I've gotten about how this post has encouraged others has uplifted me. Thank you.

So, when I look back on this past year, and all that it has held, I am astounded. God has been so generous. Not only am I in a beautiful new house, home schooling my kids again, and hosting a new Bible study every week, but I am busy (and happily) planning a wedding! That's right! David proposed in mid-August, and we're getting married this coming Easter.

A year ago, I would not have thought this would be, especially so quickly. But it is clear God has prepared my heart and David's, and we are both amazed at God's provision. We are so very thankful for where God has brought us these past ten months. And even through the challenges we've faced together, God has brought us closer as we trust Him and rely on Him for the ability to forgive and love each other.

Another thing I'm so thankful for is the chance to be blessed to have four wonderful bridesmaids who are so excited for me. I'm so thankful for their encouragement, mentoring, servants' hearts, and friendship. We're all looking forward to wedding dress shopping next weekend!

So, as we turn our hearts especially this weekend towards what God has done and is doing for us, amidst blessing and trial, I encourage you to choose to thank God for His grace, providence, and hope, and give Him all the glory.

Give Credit Where Credit's Due

I'm sitting in my new office in my new home as I write this. My kids and I moved a week and a half ago, and it's been a lot of work! But wow, is this house such a blessing! I'm so thankful for how God arranged this new chapter.

Last evening's sunset view from my sundeck.

 

I realize it's been two months since my last post, introducing David to you. It's been very busy finalizing the new build, getting packed and unpacked, and arranging all the details involved in moving. David and I have been officially courting since he moved down here. We've also been meeting with a godly mentor couple every few weeks. We're striving to be intentional as we grow in our relationship.

As I have answered people's questions about how I'm doing and what is happening in my life, and they hear about the new house and my relationship with David, I have received a common response, "Oh, you deserve it!" While I realize where this sentiment comes from -- that people are happy for me considering what I've been through -- it still makes me uneasy. It's as if to say I earned God's favour, or that by suffering what I did karma somehow determines that good should come to me.

That's dangerous theology and philosophy.

I can do nothing to deserve God's favour, and karma is an utter lie. There is no impersonal "force" in the universe that determines events based on causal influences. There is only God Who is sovereign. This God is to Whom we owe our total allegiance based on His very nature, not Who owes us anything.

So, even with the best intentions (which I appreciate), it is just plain wrong to say I deserve the blessings God is giving me. But there is something I do deserve...

Hell.

Thank God I am not getting what I deserve! Ponder this amazing truth:

For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God [that is, His remarkable, 

overwhelming gift of grace to believers] is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

           Romans 6:23 AMP

If a gift is deserved, is it truly a gift? Is there anything you or I can do, sinners that we are, to earn favour with a holy God? No. Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ that He would offer me such a gift! A gift which Daniel accepted too, and is now basking in the eternal glory of the full meaning of that gift!

Besides, the flip side of that thinking would imply that I somehow deserved the suffering I went through, or more than that, that Daniel deserved to get cancer, suffer excruciatingly, and die. That is the logical conclusion, but I don't think any of us would be okay with that. While there are natural consequences to some decisions we make, and God may choose to discipline those He loves (Heb. 12:6), that's not the case in my situation.

God, in His infinite wisdom and goodness, has His reasons for allowing things in our lives, both suffering and blessing. It's not our job to figure out the why's, but with an attitude of thankfulness to allow whatever our circumstances to teach us more about Him as we allow the Holy Spirit to apply the truth of God's Word to our specific situations. To what ultimate end? To the glory of God's name.

God's Surprises -- Part Three: Everyone, Meet David

Again, first be sure you have read Part 1 and Part 2.

For those who haven't already, I'd like you to meet David...

--

Hi, everyone, my name is David Scott. It is such a blessing to be able to have this opportunity to share a bit about me, and how I’ve come to know Evelyn and her family. I just moved to BC from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, right after finishing getting my Red Seal as an Electrician. Evelyn and I met online, which was a way I was not expecting to find someone with the spiritual maturity that I was looking for.

Up until a few months before we were matched in January, I had been struggling with completely trusting God. But thankfully I was able to do so, with the help of my family whom I truly love and respect. Because of some of my past experiences, I knew what I wanted to look for in a future relationship. Most importantly the woman I would marry had to have a genuine love for God and His Word. Also important was that she had to share my theology, nearly exactly. And if you know my theology then you would agree with me that it’s rare to find someone who does.

 So what caught my attention about Evelyn’s profile was the fact that she listened to lots of sermons from John MacArthur and shared a lot of his views, which is the same person that I listened to most and also shared the same views. Then after going over the rest of her profile and seeing how Christ-centered she spoke, I decided to give her a shot. After messaging back a few times and discovering more about her and her theology, I was amazed that there was someone out there who shared my theology and doctrine so perfectly.

The next thing that I noticed about her profile was that she was a widow. At first I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but decided to see if I could learn more about it. After some fairly long messages and some even longer chats over the phone, I started to get a grasp of what it was like for her and what she has gone through. She even pointed me to this blog, of which I proceeded to read the whole thing in a fairly short period of time. Understanding more of her story, I became more comfortable about the idea of possibly getting into a relationship with Evelyn. But I still needed more time to get to know her and learn more about who she is. After spending countless hours on the phone with her every week, it had become apparent to me that this is something that, God willing, I can see myself being a part of.

I had some doubts about how things would be when I met her and the kids in person, which I got to do at the end of February when I took some vacation time off work and drove down to visit. Meeting Evelyn and her kids made all my doubts go away. Evelyn and I had a great connection, and the kids seemed to get attached to me pretty quickly. I kind of feel like a movie star with all the attention her kids give me. Every time I come over and the kids see me through the window, I can hear them shout my name, “Mr. Scott!” and rush to the door to greet me. My relationship with Evelyn has only grown closer since, while maintaining the boundaries that we’ve set for ourselves.

You might be wondering how I can be okay with hearing so much about Daniel, and having Evelyn share her memories and experiences she had with Daniel with me. It's really simple actually – I know that Daniel was a brother in Christ, and because of that I have the utmost respect for him. I know that he loved Evelyn, Josiah, and Kezia right to the end. I want to honour him as much as I can by learning from him, and how I can be a good husband like he was.

At first it was difficult for me to think about what it will be like to enter into a family that is already started. But thanks to the Word of God and the knowledge of what Christ has done for me, this seems to be what God has been preparing me for.

God's Surprises -- Part Two: eHarmony and the Electrician

First, be sure you have read Part 1.

I’m pretty sure I can guess what a few of you might have thought when you finished Part 1:

            “eHarmony!?! What is she doing on eHarmony? Doesn’t she know how dangerous it is to be on an online dating site? How many weirdos there are out there? And being so vulnerable! Etc. etc.”

Yes? Was that you? Heh, I totally understand.

Well, did you know that I met Daniel on eHarmony? Though we had met a full year before at a mutual friend’s housewarming party, we met online not knowing until our second date we had met before. We met for the first time…twice. It’s a great story.

So, I’m not saying I expected God to do what He did before – not at all. I was not so arrogant to presume to tell God what He needed to do to make me happy, though I have been in the past.

My thinking process that led me to rejoin was like this – having been married, I was (purposefully) no longer in the circles of eligible young men, my story is very unique to which many men would likely reject (or just not be prepared for), plus Daniel had elevated my already very high expectations for character, values, and spiritual maturity. Even if I did meet someone casually, I have so much pertinent back story I would be made far more vulnerable going the “traditional” route because my story is not what someone would expect, and the whole thing would just get awkward.

So, in faith I decided to give God the opportunity to use eHarmony again if He so chose.

eHarmony can work well if you’re careful (and if it’s God’s will). My plan with eHarmony was to spell out who I am, the gist of what I’ve been through, what’s important to me, and what kind of man Daniel was. I included my deal breakers, my goals, and my values. My intention was to scare everyone away (ha, ha) except for perhaps who God might bring along, if He did.

I did my part and then I put it in the background; I didn’t initiate contact with anyone, even the very few who I would have been interested in getting to know. I was only interested in spending my time on someone who knew the key facts and was still interested in me.

And as much as I like to be in control, I left the timing completely up to God. If He chose to use eHarmony again in my life, He would know when I would be ready.

But was it hard waiting and wondering if such a man existed? Oh, yes. And so, I kept praying.

--

I’m tempted to end the post here and leave you all in suspense another week…

But I won’t.

--

Come January, I was matched with such a man.

His name is David. He lived in Saskatchewan, he’s younger than me, and he’s an electrician. As I read those basics and more of his profile, I also had my good friend go over it and his first message to me. As we discussed this preliminary info, she encouraged me to do what I wanted to do which was reply and ask a few more questions. (eHarmony provides a safe and guided communication process where no personal contact info is revealed).

Over the next few days, we progressed through the guided communication process, started emailing and then texting. I was adamant to get all of my potential deal breakers answered and out of the way, as I didn’t have the time or energy to get to know somebody just to find out there’s a huge disconnect.

David was very up front and honest with what God has taught him and brought him through. He showed honour and integrity even through those first messages. He wasn’t scared away by my tough questions! And he asked important questions too, which I happily answered.

So, amazed as I was that I didn’t come across any deal breakers (because I was fully expecting to with my high standards!), we started chatting over the phone. We talked every few days, which over the weeks turned into most days which turned into practically every day. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance minutes!

Taking a cue from how Daniel suggested he and I get to know each other, David and I used the same question card game Daniel and I used, The Ungame. It gave us the opportunity to ask both silly and serious questions to get to know each other, often prompting obscure things to share we would otherwise not have thought of. We learned a lot about each other’s personality and background, and how our values integrated into our lives.

Pretty early on, David asked if he could arrange some vacation time several weeks from then to come down for a visit. He has a bunch of extended family here (and several of them even go to my church!!), so he already had a place to stay. He was going to be starting his last session of schooling for his electrician’s ticket in March, and the end of February would be an ideal time to come down so we could meet.

Honestly, that was still a big step for me and plus it was still really early, but I agreed. As I got to know him more over those next several weeks, I warmed up to the idea of “meeting another guy.” Again, just trusting God to give me wisdom and prepare me.

One of the things that really impressed me about David was that he was totally unthreatened by Daniel. He was okay with and even encouraged me to bring Daniel up. He wanted to know who I was married to, what God taught us both, and what we had been through. I didn’t expect that, and I quickly saw how important that was to me.

When we met at the end of February, we had a few dates, spent time together with the kids, and had games nights with friends. We even attended the Apologetics Canada conference together with friends. I wanted to see him in different contexts and get a sense of who he is around people I know and trust their opinion. He “passed” with flying colors, heh! The kids quickly warmed up to him, and my friends had positive first impressions.

At the end of that first visit, we defined what our relationship was and officially started dating. We outlined our boundaries and expectations of what this next season of long-distance dating would look like. After he returned home, we continued our pattern of intentional conversation (along with lots of casual conversation too), and we read through a lot of Christian-based material on dating and getting to know a significant other.

Three weeks later, David drove the 16 hours down again because that’s how he wanted to spend his four-day weekend for Easter, driving overnight to make it to the Good Friday service at 10AM! And after finishing his exams, he visited again in mid-May for my birthday. And tomorrow he moves to BC! He’ll be staying with relatives until he finds a place, and has several job interviews this week…lots happening! That brings you up to the present.

Next week, you’ll get to meet him here!

God’s Surprises – Part One: New Perspectives

Since the day after Daniel passed away in February, 2015, I wanted to learn about what God wanted for me during this season of widowhood, however long it may last. God had finally given His answer about healing Daniel (it wouldn’t be earthly, but rather, heavenly healing). I didn’t contemplate being a widow before it happened. I couldn’t. I needed to stay in the fight right until the end. I wasn’t in denial about the possibility (at least I eventually wasn’t), but I didn’t dwell on it because I was still married and called to love my husband and fight for him.

And so, the day after my beloved met Jesus face to face, I dug into God’s Word to learn about what He had to say about me now. This is what I found:

“¹⁴ So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.”  1 Timothy 5:14 ESV

The larger context of this verse is about how to honour and care for widows in the church. Paul gives instructions for who should care for widows (if they can’t provide for themselves) and in what priority of responsibility (vv. 3-8). Also, older widows over 60 who have good reputations should be enrolled in an official capacity as mentors to help younger women of the church in their households (vv. 9-10).

But what seemed to be happening with the younger widows is after making a rash vow to God that they would never marry again and wanted to commit themselves to His service alone, they began to desire marriage again and went back on their commitment. They would even become gossips and busybodies as they went from house to house “ministering.” This activity opened them and the church up to slander (vv. 11-13).

So, that is why in verse 14 Paul talks about not giving the adversary an occasion to slander – because the general tendency is for women under 60 to have that desire again for having a family (though there is a caveat in 1 Cor. 7:8-9 about the validity of widows who have been given the gift of singleness remaining single).

Alright, so having studied all of this in depth (John MacArthur does a fantastic job in his series on widows and the church), I started to think about my response to verse 14 – specifically, remarriage.

Wow, what a foreign thought! I still felt married! I was absolutely loyal and faithful to Daniel to the end. I couldn’t just make myself feel single again! Not only that, I so very much enjoyed being married to Daniel, and I couldn’t fathom anyone being as amazing as he was for me. I’m not talking about unrealistically putting him on a pedestal – I’m talking about how God used both our flaws and strengths in each other’s lives to make us more like Christ.

But even more strongly than my devotion to Daniel was my devotion to Jesus and what He had to say about His best for me. And so, even from that day after Daniel died, even though I couldn’t wrap my head around that possibility or even think it possible, I submitted my will to God’s, asking Him to change me and shape my thinking. I gave Him control in this new way in this new season.

Does that mean I just let Him “take the wheel” and sit back? Oh, no. I had a job to do. I proceeded to spend countless hours in the Word, reading the Bible and listening to hundreds of sermons, giving God the opportunity to wash me with His thinking, His Truth, His best. By making that time to be under His instruction of all kinds (doctrine and practical application all over the Bible), His Word gave me the spiritual perspective I needed.

By submitting to Him and trusting that He knew best, He changed me. God’s Word and His eternal “big picture” gave me the strength to go through those early stages of the grieving process, helped me adjust to the immense loss of Daniel and our dreams and plans, and inspired me to start thinking about what new things God might do.

There were a few moments of significant new perspective and other more gradual changes in thinking and feeling. I’ve written in this blog about a lot of those things He’s been teaching me. It has been and continues to be a hard but necessary process.

Starting with the submission of my will, slowly my heart opened up to the possibility and desire to remarry, though I was still fraught with the doubt that there could be anyone like Daniel….Hmm, I just reread my post from Dec., “The Things I Talk to God About.” Yeah, that was an especially personal post. I hope you’ve read it, as it explains a lot of where I was at. After that “gauntlet” of the Christmas season, my grief turned a corner. God continued to heal me. Like I’ve said, I will always grieve, but it will look different over time. But I digress….

I’m so thankful for the many friends who have shared conversations, prayers, and tears with me through these past several months. By talking through what God has been teaching me and changing in my perspective, I have grown in my faith. And so, last fall, with the accountability of a good friend, I stepped out in faith and re-joined eHarmony….

- To Be Continued -

Selling My Townhouse

As of Friday this past week, my townhouse is officially sold! It's a big step forward towards moving into the new house my parents and I are building come July. Thanks to my skilled realtors, Nathan and Art Neufeld, I was well taken care of.

The timing of my sale probably couldn't be better. I couldn't have gotten the price I did even a month or two ago. The market is so crazy right now. Once my house went live on the MLS site, not only did I get several showings scheduled including one that very evening, but within seven hours I already had an offer! Sight unseen! The reason for this is because that buyer's realtor lives in my complex with the same floor plan as mine, so the buyer already knew she liked it. And from my photos in the listing, they could tell mine is in great condition. She had been trying and trying to get into my complex but she kept losing bidding wars.

The next day, I had seven more showings and my realtor informed those realtors we'd be looking at offers that evening. Even though no more offers were made, that's okay! The existing offer still stood (that buyer was one of the showings), and it was $100 over my list price and she was willing to wait for my July completion dates. Perfect! I happily set a new record, I believe, for my floor plan, though I don't expect that record to stand too long given what the market is doing.

So, now that the subjects have been removed, I don't have to keep having showings just in case. I can get on with life more and complete some projects for prepping for the new house (refinishing some furniture, etc.).

I'm so thankful for the way the Lord provided and prepared the way for this process to go smoothly. To Him be the glory!

The Last First

Last Thursday, the 18^th, marked the first anniversary of Daniel’s death. Friends have remarked to me that it's hard for them to believe it's been a year already, and yet it feels like five years since he was here. I can relate.

During the days leading up to the date, I was unsure of what the day would hold for me. Would it be really hard? Super emotional? I anticipated that it would differ from the “gauntlet” of December, not in significance but in context. December was the first birthday, Christmas, and wedding anniversary without Daniel, all in a matter of ten days. Those days have been special for years, holding many wonderful memories, now turned bittersweet.

  

February 18^th only gained significance last year, and in a different way. Its passing didn’t commemorate what used to be especially good memories that day in the past, but rather a marking of Daniel’s homecoming and his deliverance from intense suffering. All things considered, it was an incredibly happy day for him; for me and the kids, a dark first day of temporary separation.

This past Wednesday evening, the 17^th, was in some ways harder. Last year, that was the last evening I had with him. The last time I saw him alive, even though he was almost totally unresponsive. The last time I held his hand; told him I loved him; said my last goodbye.

Oh, how I look forward to when we are reunited!

On Sunday, several friends, the kids, and I gathered at Daniel’s grave after church for a little worship service. We sang some of his favorite hymns and songs, read a few of his favorite Scripture passages, reminisced about what we admired about him, and thanked God for Daniel’s life and legacy and for his current joy with Jesus. It was a special time.

Thank you to all of you who have shared encouraging words with me and sent me Facebook messages telling me you’re praying for the kids and I. That means so much. Thank you to Timberline for the beautiful flowers.

I thank God for how He has been working in my heart this past year, strengthening me to emotionally process that very traumatic season, healing me from the pain (a process that won’t end until Heaven), and helping me dream new dreams. My prayer is that He would give me the wisdom and discernment to make the decisions which would glorify Him the most.

To Him be all the glory.

Forever Home

My parents and I are in the process of building a house together. It’s a wonderful thing to look forward to! My dad has Alzheimer’s, and my mom, Daniel, and I had been talking about combining households since before Daniel was diagnosed with cancer in early 2014. And now, it’s even more important to have the added support. My parents will be in the self-contained suite on the lower walk-out level, and the kids and I on the upper two floors, giving us the extra spaces we need and don’t have now. What a blessing! Plus, Daniel’s uncle and cousin are building it for us!

 (Photo taken this past Sunday.)

I’m not moving far; only about ten minutes from where I am now. I definitely want to stay in Maple Ridge around all of the people who have been such an amazing support system on this very rough road.

I’ve always been interested in interior design and coming up with creative and cost-effective ways to make an inviting and beautiful home. Lately as part of my research to make wise decisions, I’ve been watching design videos online to get some more ideas. A phrase that keeps coming up when people are so pleased with their new dream home is they dub it their “forever home.” They never want to leave.

This struck me as interesting and somewhat saddening, given my heightened awareness of the temporary nature of this world. Every home, no matter how new it is or how much it cost, will break down and deteriorate over time; but more than that, everything we see will eventually burn to a crisp after Jesus Christ has returned and has reigned for a millennia on a temporarily renovated earth, and then He will destroy this current universe and recreate a New Heaven and a New Earth, totally and eternally free from any and all vestiges of the curse of sin (Revelation 21-22).

So, given that perspective, what are we living for? If all of this is temporary (and by God’s grace there are still many blessings in this fallen world), how are we to allow that eternal perspective to shape our decisions with our time, talents, and treasures? If it’s all going to burn up and we can’t take any of it with us, what is the point of the things we have? Is it merely to enjoy them, get personal pleasure from them, and to be comfortable? There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the blessings God chooses to give us to steward, but that shouldn’t be the end goal of those blessings. Jesus said in Matthew 6:19-21 (AMP):

           

19 Do not gather and heap up and store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust and worm consume and destroy, and where thieves break through and steal.20 But gather and heap up and store for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust nor worm consume and destroy, and where thieves do not break through and steal;21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Daniel mentioned this idea in his blog post here. He talked about an idea that resonated for him from Randy Alcorn’s “The Treasure Principle” of living for the line, not the dot – how eternity is like an unending line, and our brief lives here are merely a dot by comparison. That’s how Daniel lived. He saw his time, his gifts, our money, our things, and all of the other blessings from God as ways in which to glorify Him, to be used to help build God’s Kingdom. And those of you who knew him can attest to the great extent to which God used Daniel in the lives of so many for eternity.

And so, with the wonderful new house to look forward to (as the Lord wills), a constant theme and guiding principle in my mind is how can I use this blessing to not only bless my family but also be a blessing to many others? I look forward to opening my home by hosting a small group from my church, having friends and family over for encouraging conversations and fun, uplifting times. I see this new home as a tool to be used by God through the gifts He has given me to bring glory to His name.

Daniel is enjoying his forever home (though even that will look different eventually too when Rev. 21-22 happens). He is excitedly enjoying his eternal reward of having a great capacity with which to glorify and worship Jesus, face to face. And as much as I miss him, I am so happy that he already gets to be forever home.