God's Surprises -- Part Three: Everyone, Meet David

Again, first be sure you have read Part 1 and Part 2.

For those who haven't already, I'd like you to meet David...

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Hi, everyone, my name is David Scott. It is such a blessing to be able to have this opportunity to share a bit about me, and how I’ve come to know Evelyn and her family. I just moved to BC from Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, right after finishing getting my Red Seal as an Electrician. Evelyn and I met online, which was a way I was not expecting to find someone with the spiritual maturity that I was looking for.

Up until a few months before we were matched in January, I had been struggling with completely trusting God. But thankfully I was able to do so, with the help of my family whom I truly love and respect. Because of some of my past experiences, I knew what I wanted to look for in a future relationship. Most importantly the woman I would marry had to have a genuine love for God and His Word. Also important was that she had to share my theology, nearly exactly. And if you know my theology then you would agree with me that it’s rare to find someone who does.

 So what caught my attention about Evelyn’s profile was the fact that she listened to lots of sermons from John MacArthur and shared a lot of his views, which is the same person that I listened to most and also shared the same views. Then after going over the rest of her profile and seeing how Christ-centered she spoke, I decided to give her a shot. After messaging back a few times and discovering more about her and her theology, I was amazed that there was someone out there who shared my theology and doctrine so perfectly.

The next thing that I noticed about her profile was that she was a widow. At first I wasn’t sure what to think about that, but decided to see if I could learn more about it. After some fairly long messages and some even longer chats over the phone, I started to get a grasp of what it was like for her and what she has gone through. She even pointed me to this blog, of which I proceeded to read the whole thing in a fairly short period of time. Understanding more of her story, I became more comfortable about the idea of possibly getting into a relationship with Evelyn. But I still needed more time to get to know her and learn more about who she is. After spending countless hours on the phone with her every week, it had become apparent to me that this is something that, God willing, I can see myself being a part of.

I had some doubts about how things would be when I met her and the kids in person, which I got to do at the end of February when I took some vacation time off work and drove down to visit. Meeting Evelyn and her kids made all my doubts go away. Evelyn and I had a great connection, and the kids seemed to get attached to me pretty quickly. I kind of feel like a movie star with all the attention her kids give me. Every time I come over and the kids see me through the window, I can hear them shout my name, “Mr. Scott!” and rush to the door to greet me. My relationship with Evelyn has only grown closer since, while maintaining the boundaries that we’ve set for ourselves.

You might be wondering how I can be okay with hearing so much about Daniel, and having Evelyn share her memories and experiences she had with Daniel with me. It's really simple actually – I know that Daniel was a brother in Christ, and because of that I have the utmost respect for him. I know that he loved Evelyn, Josiah, and Kezia right to the end. I want to honour him as much as I can by learning from him, and how I can be a good husband like he was.

At first it was difficult for me to think about what it will be like to enter into a family that is already started. But thanks to the Word of God and the knowledge of what Christ has done for me, this seems to be what God has been preparing me for.

God's Surprises -- Part Two: eHarmony and the Electrician

First, be sure you have read Part 1.

I’m pretty sure I can guess what a few of you might have thought when you finished Part 1:

            “eHarmony!?! What is she doing on eHarmony? Doesn’t she know how dangerous it is to be on an online dating site? How many weirdos there are out there? And being so vulnerable! Etc. etc.”

Yes? Was that you? Heh, I totally understand.

Well, did you know that I met Daniel on eHarmony? Though we had met a full year before at a mutual friend’s housewarming party, we met online not knowing until our second date we had met before. We met for the first time…twice. It’s a great story.

So, I’m not saying I expected God to do what He did before – not at all. I was not so arrogant to presume to tell God what He needed to do to make me happy, though I have been in the past.

My thinking process that led me to rejoin was like this – having been married, I was (purposefully) no longer in the circles of eligible young men, my story is very unique to which many men would likely reject (or just not be prepared for), plus Daniel had elevated my already very high expectations for character, values, and spiritual maturity. Even if I did meet someone casually, I have so much pertinent back story I would be made far more vulnerable going the “traditional” route because my story is not what someone would expect, and the whole thing would just get awkward.

So, in faith I decided to give God the opportunity to use eHarmony again if He so chose.

eHarmony can work well if you’re careful (and if it’s God’s will). My plan with eHarmony was to spell out who I am, the gist of what I’ve been through, what’s important to me, and what kind of man Daniel was. I included my deal breakers, my goals, and my values. My intention was to scare everyone away (ha, ha) except for perhaps who God might bring along, if He did.

I did my part and then I put it in the background; I didn’t initiate contact with anyone, even the very few who I would have been interested in getting to know. I was only interested in spending my time on someone who knew the key facts and was still interested in me.

And as much as I like to be in control, I left the timing completely up to God. If He chose to use eHarmony again in my life, He would know when I would be ready.

But was it hard waiting and wondering if such a man existed? Oh, yes. And so, I kept praying.

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I’m tempted to end the post here and leave you all in suspense another week…

But I won’t.

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Come January, I was matched with such a man.

His name is David. He lived in Saskatchewan, he’s younger than me, and he’s an electrician. As I read those basics and more of his profile, I also had my good friend go over it and his first message to me. As we discussed this preliminary info, she encouraged me to do what I wanted to do which was reply and ask a few more questions. (eHarmony provides a safe and guided communication process where no personal contact info is revealed).

Over the next few days, we progressed through the guided communication process, started emailing and then texting. I was adamant to get all of my potential deal breakers answered and out of the way, as I didn’t have the time or energy to get to know somebody just to find out there’s a huge disconnect.

David was very up front and honest with what God has taught him and brought him through. He showed honour and integrity even through those first messages. He wasn’t scared away by my tough questions! And he asked important questions too, which I happily answered.

So, amazed as I was that I didn’t come across any deal breakers (because I was fully expecting to with my high standards!), we started chatting over the phone. We talked every few days, which over the weeks turned into most days which turned into practically every day. Thank goodness for unlimited long distance minutes!

Taking a cue from how Daniel suggested he and I get to know each other, David and I used the same question card game Daniel and I used, The Ungame. It gave us the opportunity to ask both silly and serious questions to get to know each other, often prompting obscure things to share we would otherwise not have thought of. We learned a lot about each other’s personality and background, and how our values integrated into our lives.

Pretty early on, David asked if he could arrange some vacation time several weeks from then to come down for a visit. He has a bunch of extended family here (and several of them even go to my church!!), so he already had a place to stay. He was going to be starting his last session of schooling for his electrician’s ticket in March, and the end of February would be an ideal time to come down so we could meet.

Honestly, that was still a big step for me and plus it was still really early, but I agreed. As I got to know him more over those next several weeks, I warmed up to the idea of “meeting another guy.” Again, just trusting God to give me wisdom and prepare me.

One of the things that really impressed me about David was that he was totally unthreatened by Daniel. He was okay with and even encouraged me to bring Daniel up. He wanted to know who I was married to, what God taught us both, and what we had been through. I didn’t expect that, and I quickly saw how important that was to me.

When we met at the end of February, we had a few dates, spent time together with the kids, and had games nights with friends. We even attended the Apologetics Canada conference together with friends. I wanted to see him in different contexts and get a sense of who he is around people I know and trust their opinion. He “passed” with flying colors, heh! The kids quickly warmed up to him, and my friends had positive first impressions.

At the end of that first visit, we defined what our relationship was and officially started dating. We outlined our boundaries and expectations of what this next season of long-distance dating would look like. After he returned home, we continued our pattern of intentional conversation (along with lots of casual conversation too), and we read through a lot of Christian-based material on dating and getting to know a significant other.

Three weeks later, David drove the 16 hours down again because that’s how he wanted to spend his four-day weekend for Easter, driving overnight to make it to the Good Friday service at 10AM! And after finishing his exams, he visited again in mid-May for my birthday. And tomorrow he moves to BC! He’ll be staying with relatives until he finds a place, and has several job interviews this week…lots happening! That brings you up to the present.

Next week, you’ll get to meet him here!