It continues to be a busy few weeks for me, taking care of a lot of details because of Daniel's passing. But first I want to say a big thank-you to so many of you who are still faithfully serving God by helping me and my kids. Thank you for the babysitting, meals, funds, prayers, and acts of service. It means so very much, especially during this still very new period of grieving.
The funeral home coordinator gave me a standard six page checklist of all the things that need to be addressed when someone dies -- basically to close down the person's life. So, I've been dealing with government, banks, credit cards, vehicle insurance, phone stuff, land title stuff, and life insurance. Plus I've ordered the cemetery marker. There is still lots to do as I need to file income taxes and redo my will now, but wow, I am so glad we did our wills and bought life insurance when we bought our townhouse. God continues to provide.
So, that's the busyness of my days, though I'm being careful to pace myself and not try to do too much in a day. I'm building in things I enjoy doing, and I'm being intentional to not try to drown the grief with distractions. I have my healthy ups and downs, giving all of my emotions to God and allowing myself to miss him and grieve ... but with hope! I have continued to fill my mind with God's Word. There is an aspect, however, of having been grieving for a year already. With each new loss of Daniel's strength and ability since January 2014 especially, I have been grieving so intensely for what seems like so long.
For the past several months, each time I would say goodbye to Daniel and leave his hospital room, I was saying my final goodbyes. With his condition, there were so many unknowns and I knew I might not see him alive again. I said final goodbyes to my love twice a day for month after month. So yes, I have been grieving a lot already. But while Daniel was alive, of course, it was a different kind of grieving. God hadn't yet given us His answer, so it was always mixed with the hope that God would heal his earthly body. But even that was weighed down by seeing the intense suffering that Daniel was going through.
Now, with God having given us His answer, there is the joy of knowing Daniel is whole and happy beyond anything he experienced here on Earth. But also, there is the relief of knowing Daniel suffers no longer; the relief that his care and advocacy are no longer my responsibilities because God has called His faithful servant home, safe with Him; the relief that now I know that this is how God has chosen to most glorify Himself! That is what I prayed for! I am no longer in a heart-wrenching suspense. I can boldly continue on without my beloved because I know that God is and will continue to be glorified, that He will continue to provide for my kids and I, and especially because I know I will see Daniel again when the Lord calls me home.
Until then, it is my heart's desire to continue to serve the God Whom my wonderful husband served so faithfully. It was such a privilege to be Daniel's wife -- to be chosen by such a godly man. No, six years certainly doesn't seem nearly long enough, and yes, we asked for earthly healing, but God has never given me a reason to think He doesn't know what He is doing or isn't powerful enough to bring about His purposes, so I will choose to trust Him. He will never let me down. To Him be the glory, forever and ever.
I have said my last goodbye to my beloved husband. All that is left is one last hello.
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