It’s been a while since our last post. Some have wondered if that meant things were going well. Unfortunately that was not the case. We had what’s called a “pain crisis” earlier this week, and both Daniel and I have been too weary to write much.
On Monday, Daniel used up the last of the prescription mouth rinse that he used while in the ward. So, he started using the new RX given at discharge. He soon realized that the new bottle was different and didn’t help nearly as much – little better than water really. We had to wait a while to hear back from our local pharmacy when the right stuff would be ready (it took our oncologist a while to fax it in), so in the meantime Daniel suffered. The following day, I called the pharmacy and they said they didn’t have a crucial ingredient! It would take a further day to get that in, so I had them arrange with another pharmacy to make it instead.
In the meantime, Daniel used up all of his break-through med and had nothing to top-up his pain relief. So, that was another long process on Wednesday to get that done. Again, a huge thanks to Sandy for helping so much and doing the leg-work for me!
The following few days were recovery. Daniel had been in so much pain from missing these two meds that his ability to function was severely affected. All he could do was choke down a shake or feed through his tube and then go lie down and pray for sleep, holding his head. It was awful to see him like that again.
For me, between the stresses of seeing Daniel in so much agony, battling to get his pain meds as quickly as possible, and trying to take care of the kids on my own exhausted me too. But it’s not like I could have foreseen these effects and asked for appropriate help! I was just trying to keep going.
The past few nights have been very hard for me. The physical and emotional toll of the week hit me like a wave, combined with the general sense of stress of the whole situation. The inability to plan for the future, which is so big for me, and the pain of seeing the man I love suffer so much (and not knowing if he’ll get better) caused me to just cry out to God in anguish.
I have been dealing with nausea and a lack of appetite for the past few days and have thus been pretty weak myself. This morning, after a night of chills and fitful sleep, I was still so nauseated and threw up. I slowly started to feel better this morning after a little more sleep. Yes, this season is very hard.
But there are also so many reasons to praise God and thank Him for the many blessings He gives us! On Sunday, Daniel was able to attend church with us! While he was very weak and had to go lie down midway through the sermon (no offense, Jon!), we felt so blessed to have so many people come around and say how they’re praying for us. Daniel has missed the fellowship of church so much.
The continued blessing of friends coming around us and offering practical help has once again been so encouraging. Thank you to all who have helped with food this week! And thank you to Angela Kukler for the great haircuts!
A definite highlight of the week was our family picnic this afternoon. For me, it’s very important to have things in the future to look forward to – part of the wave that hit me this week was facing the fact that this need of mine will largely need to be neglected during this season. Daniel – as exhausted as he was – wanted to solve my problem, wonderful husband that he is! Normally, we can plan a few weeks ahead for my birthday and I get to look forward to what Daniel is planning. So, he asked me what would be meaningful, I gave him a few ideas, and he made it (and is making it) happen!
After receiving the help of so many people with food and supplies, we made our way to Hayward Lake today and had a wonderful time of family memory-making. We are so thankful Daniel had the energy to do all of that! The gazebo in the photos is where Daniel proposed nearly six years ago.
Tomorrow, Daniel has arranged child care and is taking me out for dinner and a movie! Please pray that he will continue to have the energy he needs.
Looking at the immediate future regarding Daniel’s care, we will be meeting with the oncologist on Friday for a check-up and blood tests to establish whether Daniel is ready for round two of chemo. If so (and we don’t have any reason to believe he won’t be), then it will start a week from Monday, on the 26th.
As far as further prayer requests not already mentioned, please pray that this next week will be free from further setbacks, that Daniel would continue to gain the weight he needs, and that he would be as prepared as possible for the next round of chemo. And of course please keep praying that Daniel would be healed from cancer by whatever means God sees fit, and that He would be glorified because of it!
This morning I was reflecting on Psalm 62:5-8 (AMP):
My soul, wait only upon God and silently submit to Him; for my hope and expectation are from Him. He only is my Rock and my Salvation; He is my Defense and my Fortress, I shall not be moved. With God rests my salvation and my glory; He is my Rock of unyielding strength and impenetrable hardness, and my refuge is in God! Trust in, lean on, rely on, and have confidence in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is a refuge for us (a fortress and a high tower). Selah [pause, and calmly think of that]!
There is so much that meets me where I’m at in this passage. Waiting upon God and submitting to Him isn’t a default mode – I have to tell myself, “Soul! Wait upon God!” It’s hard work to keep reminding myself of the truths God tells me in His Word. As Daniel reminded me earlier today, we need to daily renew our minds. The other part of the passage that I especially reflected on was how David, the psalmist, tells us to pour out our hearts before God. I was certainly doing that this week. It is so comforting to know we have a loving Father who longs to hear our heart’s cry, meets us with compassion, and gives us refuge that is impenetrable. We can find that in no other; that is why we serve Him. To God be all the glory.
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